Advent week 3: Sunday - Letting Go That Which Is Not Working

 

Blogging daily did not work the way I had planned. My family and being a worker in the world is the vocation God calls me to at this time.

The poem "She Let Go" by Safire Rose says it well. And thank you Jenice for the reference in the Saint George's Episcopal Church (Arlington) 2020 Virtual Advent Calendar.

I am not giving up blogging, I am confident new blog entries will occur, I just don't know when. Or how often.

A Prayer: Lord God, Thank You for what I have learned so far this Advent. Thank You for being with me and guiding me. Please continue to help me to do the work You have for me to do. And just as importantly, help me to care for myself appropriately as I continue to grow and live in this confusing,wonderful world. Amen.

Advent Week 2: Wednesday - "Give us grace..."

Advent is a time of pausing. In this pause we ponder God's grace in our lives. The Collect last week started "Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness, and put on the armor of light..." This week we ask God: "Give us grace to heed their (the prophets) warnings and forsake our sins..."  Implicit is the understanding we cannot do it ourselves, no matter how much we try and how much we wish to do it ourselves, it is only with Your grace, God that we move forward and are closer to you.

A Prayer: Lord, be with me and give me this grace today to cast the works of darkness in my life away, to heed Your call to forsake my sins. Thank you.

Advent Week 2: Tuesday - "Jesus Christ our Redeemer"

• Sing a new song to the LORD,
• his praise in the assembly of the faithful.
• Let Israel rejoice in its Maker;
• let Sion’s children exult in their king.
• Let them praise his name with dancing,
• and make music with timbrel and harp.

Psalm 149:1-3 (RGP)

"Our Redeemer? Where?"

All day today I have been caught up at work. My email fills up with requests, status updates, the problems my group needs to solve... This morning (such a long time ago) I read from Psalms, took in some meditations, took a walk and talked to You. But then I jumped right in to the work of the day. I didn't think about the lines above (which I read this morning) or remember to say Thank You when things went well.

Advent is a reminder that yes You ARE here. This Advent I am spending a little more time with You. Truth be known I am not all that excited about that since taking time for You, well, takes time. And all day long there is the answer to the "where" and even the unsaid "how" of my busy day, my trying to take care of it all, and my not letting You in...

Where is our Redeemer? Right here, with us as we laugh, complain, succeed, fail, and just live.

A Prayer: Dear Lord, redeem my life, especially when I try to take over, or am so frustrated I give up, and stay with me always. Thank You. Amen. 

Advent Week 2: Monday - "Your Messengers the prophets preach..."

"...your messengers the prophets to preach repentance and prepare the way..."

Being a "typical" mainline church goer and not a Bible scholar, I do not have an encyclopedic knowledge of the prophets in the Bible. Curious, I checked and found eighteen prophets listed under the heading "The Prophetic Books" in my copy of The New Oxford Annotated Bible. But I do keep trying. Today the reading was from Isaiah (Isaiah 5:8-23, specifically.) I read of coming punishment, drunkenness, the inability distinguish right from wrong... In just this short section of one prophet I find so many ways I feel I don't measure up.

Perhaps I am really getting too far in the weeds here. The big picture I see is that You, God, worked hard to provide us with an understanding of how we fail and what You expect of us. We didn't listen to the Prophets so now you sent Your Son Jesus to speak and be among us...

A Prayer: Give me the will to keep following Your path, even when I want to give up. Help me to keep reading regularly, and not lose heart when the path gets steep. Amen.

Advent Week 2: Sunday - (Listen) - Heed - Forsake

 

"Give us grace to heed their warnings and forsake our sins..."

To know what the warnings are for me, Lord, I need to listen, not just read, but LISTEN. I cannot heed, I cannot forsake until I understand what the warnings are and what I need to change. Listening is key. I am very good at reading, research, building lists, thinking of all the things I need to stop, or start, or change. I can prioritize them this way and that. I can build a Sunday Top Five, then on Monday prioritize again to get a new Top Five.

I need You, Lord. Not just listening to the latest preaching, wonderful hymns, guidance from those I report to, and listening to those I love... All of these are important and provide good input, but they are not the key. The key for me is to listen to You, to make time every day and listen. You know me, are always there, have been with me since I was born. You Love me and know me. You know what is best for me. When I listen to You, Lord, I must trust, trust in two ways:

• First: That you DO know what is right
• Second: That when I hear You incorrectly, or interpret what you say to my advantage (oh yes, I will do both of those) You are right there with me, ready to forgive me and for me try again...

A Prayer: I praise and thank You for my life with you. Please give me the patience to make time, be quiet, and listen for You. Once I have heard You, give me the courage to forsake my sins and do what You have called me to do. Amen.

Advent Week 1: Saturday - "...when he shall come again in his glorious majesty..."

Is the time now, Lord? Am I ready? I am so tired, please let this be the end time, and please let me join You in Heaven! Alternatively am I looking at my life with You and hoping, wishing, trusting that You will give me a few more days or years to get myself and my life in order? Maybe the more realistic view is I want to be ready to be with You, God, but if You don't mind there are a few things I am really enjoying right now. As long as I don't look too carefully I can call them enjoyment and relaxation rather than sins. And let's not even mention the sins I just don't have the courage today to face, and certainly am embarrassed to admit to You...

For me Advent is about living life today, preparing to meet You in the end, and remembering that You came among us so I can have life immortal with You.

• For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
• he bestows favor and honor.
• No good thing does the Lord withhold
• from those who walk uprightly.
• O Lord of hosts,
• happy is everyone who trusts in you

Psalm 84:11-12, NRSV 

Advent Week 1: Friday - "Mortal Life and Life Immortal"

 

"...now in the time of this mortal life...we may rise to life immortal..."

Can we really know life immortal? I know my mortal life, the one I have lived since I was born. From my first memories to today, that is the span of what I understand as "mortal." I experience the birth and death of those around me. But what of this "immortal" life? I hear stories of those before me and I have hopes for those living after me, but all I really know is based on the now that I live in...

Life immortal? What does it mean? We get glimpses in the stories of the bible. Do we really know what immortal is? Today the story of the Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31) came to my mind. In that story a chasm separates the Rich Man from Lazarus, just as my life today is separate from my immortal life to come. I cannot clearly see immortal life today, the path between now and there is misty and confusing with the glowing city of God just visible on a good day, far in the distance. My life getting to that city is like tramping through hills and valleys covered with clouds, the mountain peaks on the horizon bathed in the sun... With God's help, I will safely travel to life immortal. 

A Prayer: The views here on earth call me, and I thank You. Your words of heaven above call me, and I thank you. Thank you for being with me, and all of us. We praise you for  giving us the glimpses that keep us moving on the path to immortal life. Amen.

Advent Week 1: Thursday - Rebuild

 

Is this the year to rebuild? Rebuild is a big word and means many things. Rebuilding takes time, effort, commitment, and resources. We can renew, we can repair, but sometimes we choose to rebuild. We can rebuild houses, engines, relationships, trust, even lives. 

Advent is our time of anticipation and waiting. We pause and consider what the birth of our Lord means to us and for us. It is the beginning of a new year. In this year of COVID we may be especially anxious, we may wonder if we have time and energy for renewal or repair, let alone rebuilding since so much of our time, our life, is simply taking care of every day so we can get to whatever is next.

Advent is also a time of discernment and stepping out boldly. Remember Mary, she stepped out boldly when she said, “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38, NRSV) Just as advent is only the beginning of our glorious church year, our discernment now is just the beginning of the next part of our life with the Lord!

Even if this year is not the right time for that major rebuild, even if all we accomplish is minor repairs and renewal, may we remember our Lord is always with us, listening, waiting, and loving. And go read ahead just a little in Luke 1, check out verses 46-55 and hear Mary’s response to her child leaping in her womb…

A Prayer: Lord thank you for today and this Advent season. Be with me as I discern, once again, what you are calling me to. If this is the time for rebuilding, guide me, hold me, carry me when I am afraid. But whatever time it is, may my life be yours, just as Mary’s life is yours… Amen.

(Originally posted by Saint George's Episcopal Church as part of their "Virtual Advent Calendar 2020" project on Thursday 03-Dec-2020. See the complete calendar at https://www.saintgeorgeschurch.org/2020-virtual-advent-calendar

Advent Week 1: Wednesday - "Jesus Christ Came to visit us in great humility"

Humility is a perennial favorite. I usually think of how I want first prize for being humble, for having humility. As the old joke goes, "if I go around crowing about winning the prize for humility I have just lost it..." But You, Lord, humble? I think of you as Creator, Saviour, the God of All reigning in Majesty and Splendor! Your Majesty and Splendor ranges from the mountains to the dew on the grass to the stars in the sky. You are the Creator of the Universe!

But... When you came to visit us you chose to come into the world just as each of us: Born a baby, dependent on your mother and father to feed you, to keep you safe, even to move you to another country when you were in danger. When tempted in the desert you simply kept praying. When your mother asked you for more wine at the wedding you simply did as asked. You didn't make a splashy show of turning the water into wine, nor did you make a scene that it was not yet time... And in the end You chose, with only a simple confirmation that Your death was not to be avoided, do die, just as we each will die.

A Prayer: Oh Lord, thank you for giving me life and giving me today. Help me to simply do what is before me, neither complaining nor waiting for praise and recognition. And when I feel the call to complain, or the need for recognition, help me to remember Your visit to us, and the humility and strength you displayed. Amen.

Advent Week 1: Tuesday - "...put on the armor of light..."

 

Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us live honorably as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

Romans 13:12b-14, NRSV

I love the light. As we remodeled our house this year I noticed I picked lighter colors and I am leaving the blinds open to the sun much more often than I used to. Perhaps a bit of this comes from being ten years older than when I painted the same rooms when we first moved in to our house, perhaps some comes simply from growing closer to God.

The lines from Romans are a good reminder that I am human, with sin and failure built right in to my life. I feel pretty good that I am not drunk and licentious in the crudest forms, but that bit of light shining in my life does find dark corners. I need that armor of light when I see those corners,  and especially when I see those corners and realize I need to put on my spiritual gloves and get out that spiritual soap to get rid of the collected crumbs, dust, and forgotten spills in my heart and in my actions.

So, let the light come into my life as well as my house, and give me the armor of light that is God with me, even, or perhaps most especially, when reveling, debauchery, quarreling, and jealousy look so wonderful with their own shiny temptations.

A Prayer: God, thank you for today and being with me. Thank you for your light in my life. Help me to put on this armor, this light, and to bring this armor and light to others in our world.

Advent Week 1: Monday - "Grace to Cast Away The Works of Darkness"

This year I have a goal of daily blog entries during Advent. This came about as I was asked to participate in a Parish "Virtual Advent Calendar" at Saint George's Episcopal Church in Arlington VA. You can look for the "2020 Virtual Advent Calendar" link at St. George's Web Site.

I propose (to myself at least) to use the  weekly Advent Collect from The Episcopal Church Book of Common Prayer as inspiration and departure. You will find each weeks Collect posted in the Advent Collects page on my blog site. Remember, I did say inspiration and departure, don't be surprised to find the occasional exception.

On to today's blog entry...

"Almighty God, give us grace to cast away the works of darkness..." Ever since I can remember I have loved the imagery of casting darkness away when we read this collect at our family dinner table. The physical act of striking a match to create light, lighting the first Advent candle, followed by reading the collect as part of family grace at supper brings back fond memories. I remember when Mother or Daddy struck the match, the light bursting forth and the acrid smell of the match wood burning as the candle was lit; then being old enough to have my hand held as I learned to strike the match and light the candle, and, finally, being able to strike the match and light the candle all by myself...

God can strike light in our life just like that match. And, if we allow, God kindles flames in our lives just as the match kindles the flame of the candle. Does this cast away the works of darkness? With prayer, and a lot of help from God, we are well on the way to casting the works of darkness away from our lives...

A Prayer: God, help me to remember the grace of your light in my life, that You will cast away all darkness in my life, if only I will let you. Amen.

Advent Week 1: Sunday - "Anticipation"

No, not the ketchup ad... but the first verse of the Carly Simon song "Anticipation" says it well:

• We can never know about the days to come
• But we think about them anyway
• And I wonder if I'm really with you now
• Or just chasin' after some finer day

Advent is our season of anticipation as we wait for God's arrival here on earth. We are not the first to wait in anticipation. We may sometimes wonder about our waiting, possibly even begin to lose heart. Think about Zechariah in Luke 1:7 "But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren, and both were getting on in years." Zechariah had been praying, it must be for years, but at that time if I were Zechariah I think I would have given up anticipating having a baby with my wife. God, however, had other plans. God sent an angel saying "Your prayer has been heard... Elizabeth will bear you a son and you will name him John..."

Just as Zechariah and Elizabeth's pregnancy is just the beginning, so this Sunday is just the beginning of our time of anticipation. We don't know if our lives will be upended like Zechariah's, Elizabeth's, Mary's, and Joseph's lives were upended. But this year our lives are upended. We didn't plan on our lives being upended any more than Zecharia expected to hear he was going to be a father, then get told that just because he didn't immediately believe this unbelievable news that he would be mute for the next nine months and eight days...

Let us not be "just chasin' after some finer day", let us spend time with our Lord as we prepare for His arrival on Christmas...

A Prayer: Lord thank you for today, and thank you for the year we have had since the start of last Advent. Help us to accept our lives as they are and give us courage to listen to You. Amen.

Knowing God - Today I Am Comfortable With, Well, "God"

 

Since my last blog entry ( I Know God, Do I Know Jesus? ) I have been thinking more about who I know: God, The Trinity, Our Lord, Jesus, the Holy Ghost, my Heavenly Father (Parent)... Thinking, walking, listening, and simply going on with my day to day life.

I am comfortable with how I call and interact with God. Or rather with You, God. I feel empathy during the Passion, it is like I am there with You. When out walking I have no problem talking with You, we have been talking for as long as I can remember. I cherish our conversations when I was young and knew you as "Fish", my friend and companion in exploring the world. I fall asleep with You now on many nights after quiet prayers, sometimes breathing in my call of "Father", "God", or "Jesus" exhaling "Thank You..." You hold me when I forget, or cry, or am tempted. I know You, I interact with You, I have given, and give, my life to You.

I think questions come from my fear that somehow I am still "doing it wrong", that I somehow fail you. Oh how human of me.

I do have a deep and personal relationship with You. I need not worry about the exact definition of "You." More importantly I need not compare it with labels nor worry what others say I "should" do or call You.

A Prayer:
Lord God, Thank You for being with me today, and all my life. Please help me to never stop asking questions about who You are and what we are together. Please help me to remember You always love me, regardless, of well, anything. And thank You for the faith I have, and help me never let go of that faith. Amen.

I Know God, Do I Know Jesus?

There it is. The question has been posed, not much more to say...

Oh, the backstory? What am I really asking? Is there something more to it?

It sure has been an interesting couple of days with one of those questions. Here we go...

I signed up at Church for the Episcopal Church series Sacred Ground, "a film- and readings-based dialogue series on race, grounded in faith." As I was beginning this adventure and reading some of the introductory material I read this quote:

To some God and Jesus may appeal in a way other than to us: some may come to faith in God and to love, without a conscious attachment to Jesus... They who seek God with all their hearts must, however, some day on their way meet Jesus. -- Heinrich Weinel and Alban G. Widgery, Jesus in the Nineteenth Century and After, p 405 as quoted on Page 1 of Jesus and the Disinherited, Howard Thurman, Copyright 1976, Howard Thurman.

  Later that day I was reading the May 2018 copy of Christianity Today my sister sent me so I could read a very interesting article by Kathleen G. Tallman, when I ran across an article in the Testimony section with the quick headline "Jesus Finds 'Napalm Girl'" (These Bombs Led Me to Christ) where Kim Phuc Phan Thi, The “Napalm Girl” from a famous Vietnam War photo tells her story of coming to faith. While I grew up in an "old school" somewhat High Church Episcopalian family I enjoy hearing/reading testimony and started reading. In her testimony she speaks not just of faith in God, but faith in Jesus.

Both of these talk not just about God, our Lord, the Trinity, but specifically about having a relationship with Jesus. Now, I have heard, and believed at some level, in faith in Jesus for years. I even claim to be "born again" and having a deep relationship with, well, "God". In my last post, Walking with Fish, Talking with God, I quite candidly talk of my personal relationship with God. But a relationship with Jesus? That is quite another thing.

So who am I in relationship with? Sure, there is the first intervention of my life in the winter of 1972 when I finally accepted the invitation to Bible Rap, a weekly bible study sponsored by the Methodist Youth Fellowship in Wellsville NY. As a high-school freshman I had spent any number of basketball game nights out of the house, but quite far away from any basketball games. I was drinking that half-pint or pint of peppermint schnapps I was always able to get a friendly college student to buy for me. But that night I was at Bible Rap and all I remember is Larry (our leader), a Bible passage being read, and something to do with a dollar bill that I couldn't grab ahold of. All of a sudden I realized I could let go, there was a spirit around me, and God was there! See, there it is, God was there. There were a number of times (many of us don't stop drinking the first intervention that happens, nor did I. It was nine years later, while chaperoning a Church youth weekend, that I finally let go, let God, and so far have not had a drink since.) Nor is life perfect. We get married, children are born, parents die, families argue, money runs tight, wars start and stop, jobs are lost (and are found)... No question, God IS in my life!

But this weekend I come face-to-face with the question "Do I have a personal relationship with Jesus?", or is this, as Winel and Widgery state, the time to finally meet Jesus, not just God?

Walking with Fish, Talking with God

My journal is an interesting place. I have kept a journal since an english teacher first had us journal in Junior High School, probably eighth grade when I was thirteen or fourteen. For many years my writing was to some "third party" that might be looking over my shoulder or reading the page many years later when my grandchildren found my journals on some bookshelf... Other times I knew I wrote to myself. Asking about the world, wondering why I am not as good as others, questioning if I am really am doing "God" right, or reminding myself that I am just as important as others... A year or so ago I realized I am talking with God. Actually, in my journal it was more like "Oh, it is You that are with me, looking over my shoulder as I write!"

This made sense as I realized that my childhood friend "Fish" was not imaginary afterall. You see Fish is a Lake sturgeon that stayed with me through thick and thin from some of my first memories of playing outside at three or four until sometime in elementary school. Fish may have walked with me until I realized that I could pray directly to God, perhaps when I realized that Jesus and I share sequential birthdays (mine is Christmas Eve, Jesus' birthday is Christmas day, of course). Sharing sequential birthdays is very precious to me, my Christmas Eve birthday ends when I am at the Christmas service, when Jesus Birthday starts. Just one wonderful two-day holiday! It must be even more precious for those of you that actually share the same birthday! A while ago (maybe when I realized it was God looking over my shoulder) I came to the sure knowledge that Fish was God walking, and talking, with me. Now I realize that talking with God is not something relegated to Prayer time, Church services, or the occasional retreat enlightenment, as wonderful as those all are -- it is something normal, ongoing, daily, "just" a regular occurance between God and me...

I share this for a couple of reasons. First, simply to share a bit more of my spiritual path. This blog is about "Thoughts That Simmered On My Journey" and this is certainly a thought that has been simmering for a bit! But second, to let you know that you, dear reader, are going see posts that are just that, bits of my conversation with God.

A Prayer:

Lord, Thank you for being with me now just as you were when I was young and Fish was my constant companion. Give me the quiet confidence to share all with you and know that you are not only with me, but ready to hold me in your arms, all I need to do is call to you.

Amen.  

The Joy of Where I Am

Potomac River from the River Trail

Today I returned to Great Falls Park on the Potomac River. With the Covid-19 restrictions and staying inside it has been several months since I visited the park and tramped along the river. This morning I experienced a moment of quiet realization that this place is one of the joys of where I am. I expect that I am like many others thinking I spend a great deal of time "taking care of what needs to be taken care of." You know, work and commuting, groceries and meals, washing the clothes, national and local politics, family and friends... But this is not that. This is one of those stable places where I am called to let all that go and just spend time with God.

As Benedictines we are called to stability. Those that join monasteries and take vows have the stability of place in their monastery home, their cloister, and their garden. As an Oblate I don't live within the monastery, but I do have the stability of place and home. The trails and parks along the Potomac and the streams and canals that join the Potomac have become the garden within my extended monastery. Great Falls itself is a one of the centers in this monastery garden. Here I have taken  first hikes with my grandchildren, even before they could walk. Here I took my last hike with my beloved Uncle Father Tom. I ponder the fact I never had the chance to hike with my Dad here. Nearly thirty-five years after I arrived and thirty-four years after Dad died it is a place where I still come to terms with his death, and Death.

Here I have a stable place where God pushes forward just enough so that I stop and listen, where I can let go for a just a bit and where God is "taking care of what needs to be taken care of."

A Prayer: 

God, you are with me. Your name endures forever, Your name continues like the sun. You remain with me as the clouds and rivers come and go. May I remember I am blessed by You, as all are blessed. May I always call You blessed. 

Amen.

Great Falls with Morning Clouds

Flowing Potomac

Mather Gorge

Fountains, Light, and Life

For with you is the fountain of life,

and in your light we see light

Psalm 36:10 (RGP)

Sometimes the fountain is like a smooth stream gently cascading into a quiet pool. Other times the fountain is more like the wild roaring falls after violent storms or the melt-water of a hot sunny spring day. This past week while I have been searching for the smooth streams and quiet pools, life around me is a wild, roaring, stormy torrent. I am whipped by the Black Lives Matter events after yet another black death at the hands of the police, the arguments about wearing masks and opening businesses in the Covid-19 days, the differences in political points of view between our leaders and in our nation.

Yesterday our Church Men's group met via web conference. We spent over an hour checking in and being socially close in the physical distance that is called for at this time. After hearing from all we briefly focused on race in our nation. As twelve men from a reasonably liberal main-line (mostly white) church we had much similarity in our thoughts and opinions, but only when mostly out of time did we realize we had so many thoughts and ideas for next steps, ultimate solutions, and how we think. God's light came as we focused our last few minutes remembering that our Church, Faith, and Lord are here, like the fountain and pool, providing water and light as we move forward.

Pondering the fountain of life, and this week the raging waters of action, despair, and ultimately hope became linked in my mind to the story of Peter walking on the water, becoming frightened, and our Lord's reaching out to Peter and guiding him to the calm of the boat (Matthew 14:28-32, NRSV.) It leaves me asking how often do I start with innocent trust that fails me in the turbulence of life.

A Prayer:

God, thank you for being with me when I don't see the fountain, the light, or the path forward. Help me to trust and remember I can call out, as Peter did as he was sinking in the sea, "Lord, save me!" Amen.

Pentecost, Not the End of Easter...

Today we read in the Acts of The Apostles the story of Pentecost. The divided tongues, seemingly of flame, among all the gathered. The story of each hearing in their own language. The gift of the Holy Spirit... It is a story those of us in the Christian Church read every year. Perhaps we feel we know the story all too well and we stop listening when we get to the tongues of flame or when the gathering crowd is accused of drinking too much so early in the morning. Tomorrow Compline will have fewer Alleluias, some of us will start fasting from meat this Friday. The big party, Easter, is OVER...

For whatever reason this year I have been increasingly aware that Pentecost, the fiftieth day of Easter was coming, and today... Today is here. Today I also realize (maybe with just a little bit of help from God) that this is NOT the last day of Easter, only the last day of Easter Season 2020. It cannot be the last day of Easter in our lives or in the Church. It is not the last day of Easter until next year. We are Christians and the Church BECAUSE it is, and always is, Easter. We cannot be anything but Easter, today, tomorrow, always, and forever. Jesus rose on that first Easter and that changed everything...

One thought is we end Easter, the great celebration, not because Easter is over, but to give ourselves a chance to re-find what Easter really is, so we can study what it was like before Easter was, so we remember what a great Gift God has given us...

In my daily psalm reading I marvel at how well the Psalms capture the depths of my frustration as well as my joy in living every day. But, I do pause at the request (as in Psalm 104:35) to "Let sinners vanish from the earth," or that someone be blotted out, down through their children's children... Could I read the Psalms, or live my life as a Christian, without it always being Easter? Could my only hope be that I am remembered? How could I live without knowing that I am forgiven, and not just forgiven, but have a personal relationship with God, the Creator, Redeemer, and Spirit, that gave me, and all of us, not just the first Easter, not just a season of Easter, but Easter Always!

A Prayer:

Dear God: thank you for Easter, and Ester this year, even if we could not sing our Alleluias and celebrate in our familiar places. Thank you for guiding me and keeping me safe here in my house. Thank you for dying for me, even though I don't understand so many parts of this wonderful gift. And, most of all, thank you for being with me through all that has been, all that is now, and all that will ever be. And most of all, thank you for being with me when I am not thinking about being with you, or even thinking of you at all. Amen.

Silence or Stopping Talking Enough To Listen?

Today we read the "Silence Chapter" in Benedict's Rule: Chapter 6. In the three Translations of the the Rule I have on my desk the chapter has three different titles: RB1980 has the title "Restraint of Speech," RBParry the title "On keeping silent," and RBKardong "On Silence." To me it is not about never talking, but as Bernard Bonowitz, OCSO says in his chapter on silence in Truly Seeking God it is stopping talking long enough to hear God.

Space to listen for God is only a start. As a Benedictine Oblate I make space to listen for God, but as a spouse, parent, and technical professional I also need to listen. Not just for God but to those around me. I don't have a superior that reminds me to not speak, or calls on me when it is appropriate to speak. Nor is it easy or natural to keep quiet... I am a social being, I long for recognition, I am bold enough to think I have ideas and thoughts that others need to hear... No, not just just need to hear, there are all those times I am sure that what I have to say is the most important insight, comment, or thought on the subject.

I have found making this space for listening isn't easy, nor do I always get it right. There are times, even still, when I argue with my wife rather than listen, or when as a parent I didn't listen to my children but lashed out at them, filling all the silence with loud bluster rather than thoughtful listening, or as a worker I interrupt the conversation with my "wisdom", even for the second or third time...

When I make a bit of effort the rewards are great. Nor am I able to do it alone. The Psalmist says

Lord, teach me the way of your statutes,
and I will keep them to the end.
Grant me insight that I may keep your law,
and observe it wholeheartedly.
(Psalm 119:33-34)

 and while the ten or twenty minutes quietly sitting with the Lord and listening can be fruitful, sometimes it is another person that I trust that I listen to. At work a coach suggested I sit quietly and ask myself (and answer) four questions before I (interrupt and) make comments:

1. Why: Why is this communication needed?
2. What: What needs to be communicated? (The coach even suggested I write down a bulleted list. Yes, write it down in my notebook and make sure it is bullets not sentences or, even worse, paragraphs...)
3. How: What is the appropriate time and style for the communication?
4. Who: Does the listener even care about, or  need to hear, what I am about to say?

Without all four of the above I am just a "loud gong, a clanging cymbal"

I Pray:

Lord, I long for your precepts. I know that before I was humbled I strayed, but now I want to keep your word, I wish to respect those around me. You give me all that I have: help me to sit quietly and listen more than I speak. Help me to speak thoughtfully, honestly, and succinctly. And then to keep quiet. Thank you.

Amen

What Type Are You?

Daily (well, nearly every day) I read from Psalms and I read the daily section of the Rule of Benedict.

 The reading today in Benedict's Rule is Chapter 1 the chapter describing the four kinds of monks: Cenobites, Anchorites, Sarabaites, and Gyrovagues. As a Benedictine oblate I am called to "Cenobitic" life, life in community. As a person learning to be honest with myself I can't help but see bits of the other three in me. As one that longs for solitude there is much of the Anchorite that feels natural, that I am drawn to. Looking at Benedict's description of the Sarabaites and Gyrovagues I see other things in my heart, things I am not pleased with (OK, often down-right frustrated with): Self-gratification, looking just at what appeals to me, my indulgence in my own will...

But my psalm reading includes Psalm 46 starting "God is for us a refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of distress..." Psalm 46 goes on to tell us that "God is within... God will help..." and later invites us to "Come and behold the works of the Lord..." (to) "Be still and know that I am God..." We are told three times "The Lord of hosts is with us: the God of Jacob is our stronghold."

But I am human, I am questioning, I am unsure... so is my reaction the certain statement "This IS the answer I have been looking for!" or is my reaction the question "Is this the answer I have been looking for?"

Much as I do want the quick answer, I see the more honest answer is in the final verse, verse 13 of Chapter 1 of the Rule:  "Let us pass them by, then, and with the help of the Lord, proceed to draw up a plan for the strong kind, the cenobites."

St. Philip's Belmont - Mourning, Yet Thank You! (From 2019)

Today, May 3rd 2020 I realized I had never posted this item regarding the deconsecration of St. Phillips Church in Belmont New York. I share it now noting it is a year past already...

Here is the original post from May 19th 2019:

Today I realized I am in mourning. Last night I received news that St. Philip's Church in Belmont is being deconsecrated on Tuesday 14-May-2019. While I have been a member of other Episcopal parishes over the years, and a member of my current parish for much longer than I was a member of St. Philip's, St. Philip's holds a special place in my heart and I will miss her.

I was a member of St. Philip's from the end of 6th grade through three year's of college. I learned the traditions and sacraments at St. Philip's. My wife, Patty, and I were married at St. Philip's. My father's funeral was at St. Philip's. My appreciation for the Episcopal tradition and understanding of parish, diocesan, and national Church polity and tradition came out of St. Philip's.

More than just being there, and more than just attending, St. Philip's is a part of my life. My parents were loved and important members as well. My mother, Joanne, was organist for many years and my father, Garrett was warden for many years as well. Long after I left St. Philip's with my family, becoming members of several Episcopal parishes, my parents were there. Our family just simply "always went to church" Sundays in Belmont. No questions, just worship and time with God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

And it wasn't just being at St. Philip's, it was going to St. Philip's. During most of my high school years, and several years as Patty and I visited our family we drove the fifteen miles from Alfred to Belmont on Sundays, Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning, Easter, Good Friday, all the service days. Most Sundays Mother would read Russel Baker's "Observer" column in The New York Times. As a family we would discuss the life of St. Philip's, the life of the Episcopal Diocese of Rochester and the Episcopal Church.