The reading today in Benedict's Rule is Chapter 1 the chapter describing the four kinds of monks: Cenobites, Anchorites, Sarabaites, and Gyrovagues. As a Benedictine oblate I am called to "Cenobitic" life, life in community. As a person learning to be honest with myself I can't help but see bits of the other three in me. As one that longs for solitude there is much of the Anchorite that feels natural, that I am drawn to. Looking at Benedict's description of the Sarabaites and Gyrovagues I see other things in my heart, things I am not pleased with (OK, often down-right frustrated with): Self-gratification, looking just at what appeals to me, my indulgence in my own will...
But my psalm reading includes Psalm 46 starting "God is for us a refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of distress..." Psalm 46 goes on to tell us that "God is within... God will help..." and later invites us to "Come and behold the works of the Lord..." (to) "Be still and know that I am God..." We are told three times "The Lord of hosts is with us: the God of Jacob is our stronghold."
But I am human, I am questioning, I am unsure... so is my reaction the certain statement "This IS the answer I have been looking for!" or is my reaction the question "Is this the answer I have been looking for?"
Much as I do want the quick answer, I see the more honest answer is in the final verse, verse 13 of Chapter 1 of the Rule: "Let us pass them by, then, and with the help of the Lord, proceed to draw up a plan for the strong kind, the cenobites."
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