Silence or Stopping Talking Enough To Listen?

Today we read the "Silence Chapter" in Benedict's Rule: Chapter 6. In the three Translations of the the Rule I have on my desk the chapter has three different titles: RB1980 has the title "Restraint of Speech," RBParry the title "On keeping silent," and RBKardong "On Silence." To me it is not about never talking, but as Bernard Bonowitz, OCSO says in his chapter on silence in Truly Seeking God it is stopping talking long enough to hear God.

Space to listen for God is only a start. As a Benedictine Oblate I make space to listen for God, but as a spouse, parent, and technical professional I also need to listen. Not just for God but to those around me. I don't have a superior that reminds me to not speak, or calls on me when it is appropriate to speak. Nor is it easy or natural to keep quiet... I am a social being, I long for recognition, I am bold enough to think I have ideas and thoughts that others need to hear... No, not just just need to hear, there are all those times I am sure that what I have to say is the most important insight, comment, or thought on the subject.

I have found making this space for listening isn't easy, nor do I always get it right. There are times, even still, when I argue with my wife rather than listen, or when as a parent I didn't listen to my children but lashed out at them, filling all the silence with loud bluster rather than thoughtful listening, or as a worker I interrupt the conversation with my "wisdom", even for the second or third time...

When I make a bit of effort the rewards are great. Nor am I able to do it alone. The Psalmist says

Lord, teach me the way of your statutes,
and I will keep them to the end.
Grant me insight that I may keep your law,
and observe it wholeheartedly.
(Psalm 119:33-34)

 and while the ten or twenty minutes quietly sitting with the Lord and listening can be fruitful, sometimes it is another person that I trust that I listen to. At work a coach suggested I sit quietly and ask myself (and answer) four questions before I (interrupt and) make comments:

1. Why: Why is this communication needed?
2. What: What needs to be communicated? (The coach even suggested I write down a bulleted list. Yes, write it down in my notebook and make sure it is bullets not sentences or, even worse, paragraphs...)
3. How: What is the appropriate time and style for the communication?
4. Who: Does the listener even care about, or  need to hear, what I am about to say?

Without all four of the above I am just a "loud gong, a clanging cymbal"

I Pray:

Lord, I long for your precepts. I know that before I was humbled I strayed, but now I want to keep your word, I wish to respect those around me. You give me all that I have: help me to sit quietly and listen more than I speak. Help me to speak thoughtfully, honestly, and succinctly. And then to keep quiet. Thank you.

Amen